One year ago today, my world completely changed. I had planned and dreamed every day of my life for this day, but my plans and dreams fell short of the reality. You came into this world so early, so quickly, and Daddy and I were really not prepared!
And then there you were, my beautiful baby boy. I cried a quick tear when I first saw you, but was so busy smiling no more tears came. I can still see the pitiful face you were making as you screamed. You were so perfect. So warm and soft, with perfect color, perfect face, perfect toes, and then you peed on me. Twice. I couldn’t help but laugh. Everything about that moment is beautiful in my memory.
I’ve watched you change so quickly. You learned to eat by yourself in only one day, and then it was cooing, laughing, rolling, crawling, talking. It’s all happened so fast. I can’t even keep up with writing down all your accomplishments in your baby book. You make me so proud. Just your smile makes me want to give you everything I have and ask nothing in return.
This year you have made me so tired. So stressed. So crazy. You have changed my body forever. And yet, you are totally worth it all and more. You are worth staying up all night for, all the tears and worry. You are worth my hair falling out and my aches and pains. Just to watch you as you grow is enough joy for me to forget those things.
I am sad, as now you are not a baby. You are becoming a boy. Your shape is no longer round and chunky like an infant, but now you are tall and lean like a toddler. Each day you discover something new, and I know you will continue to change, and that makes me sad. I wish I could leave you this small and innocent forever. But that’s not God’s plan.
You will continue to grow and change and I will continue to be tired, and stressed, and crazy. And I will always worry. But I pray for you every day. I pray that God will keep you safe. That He will help you grow healthy and strong. I pray that He will help me be a good mother, to lead you to Him, and to show you how to live for Him. I pray that He will use you, which he is already doing, even though you do not know it. I pray for your future wife, and I pray that one day God blesses you with babies that give you the same joy you have given me.
Thank you, for how you’ve changed me this past year. Thank you for reminding me daily that I must trust God because I can’t do this on my own. Thank you for showing me that I am strong. Thank you for teaching me to be patient, and have unconditional love, just as God has for us.For you, I will be ever thankful. I cannot tell you how much I love you. I hope that you always want my hugs and kisses; they will always be here waiting for you. Know that I will always be here for you. I love you.
Love, Mommy
